hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
