and you said cock pushups were impossible
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
