i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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