I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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