nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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