You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
