i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Come see our sink grown plant.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
