i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How external is "for external use only"?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
