Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
