bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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