Can i not drive my cunt home
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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