i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
