Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
