With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
