We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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