are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
