he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
