U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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