Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
