I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Non-Jews are for practice
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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