I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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