tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
