if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
