Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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