Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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