is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
