just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
