Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
