Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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