dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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