There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize