im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my shit smells like andre
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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