You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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