I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need moral support for this bender
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
