I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
