yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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