I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
