I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
