My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
