Kiss
Puke
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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