yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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