Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
