you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
