Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
