She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
