He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
