I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
