it was like his penis was on wheels.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My feet surprised me
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