And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
