i permit you to call me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
