Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
