Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
