She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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