I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
