Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
