just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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