I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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