I love black thongs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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