Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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