you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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