I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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