i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Boobs speak an international language.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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